Tonight begins Yom Kippur, also know as the Day of Atonement. It is the holiest and most solemn day of the year for the Jews. Its central themes are atonement and repentance. Jews traditionally observe this holy day with a 25-hour period of fasting and self-reflection.
The fasting is the easy part. As a life-time dieter, I can easily miss a few meals! The self-reflection is more difficult. If you are true yourself, you know when you have wronged yourself or someone else. Sometimes it is even deliberate. For those times, it is easy to say, I'm sorry.
However, what happens when you find yourself in a firestorm of criticism, that was misguided. Or, if you feel you are singled out time and time again. And what happens when the person who is at fault can't, or won't see the wrong?
Eventually it comes to a head. You say your peace and move on- until the next time. Yesterday was the next time.... and after reflecting, checking in with three close family members who have agreed that it is useless to try to correct the situation.... I am again forced to accept that other people's actions are hurtful and mean-spirited, but there is nothing I can do. So, what do you do when it is a parent that is the person who is hurting you? Further more, what do you do when the mother bear clicks in, because you feel your children are also being scolded for not apparent reason?
Here's the abridged version: If you are told not to call someone, because they are not feeling well and they have asked a sibling to provide the information about their condition, are you supposed to call anyway or respect the instructions and wait until the next day? Consensus says wait, right? Exactly what I did. But, before I could call, I was greeted with a three-minute tirade on my cell phone berating me for not calling. So I call-- and they don't pick up the phone. Then, they call my son's cell phone and act like nothing happened. I bring it up and it is deflected. I suck it up and act respectful. My feelings are hurt, but it's not the first time.
After stewing all day, I call my cousin, my sister, who did the exact same thing in not calling that night, without getting the mean cell phone message and my brother, who told me not to call, as per my parent. I ask each "was I wrong?" They all agree, no. So, why am I treated differently? And why do I have to accept this bad behavior?
See, the rules change when it is a parent or step-parent who is delivering the hurt. Finally, if I tell my parent that it was inappropriate for their spouse to call me like that, and he claims not to know, do I let it go?
The ostrich is a beautiful bird, but I am a bear. Right now, I am hibernating, but don't get to close, because I am ready to roar.
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