It's My 28th Anniversary As A Working Mother

It was 28 years ago today that I became a mother for the first time; a working mother.

Still early in my career, the confidence that I had as a single young professional was gone. My maternity leave was peppered with demands from the job; and I willingly responded, thinking that it was the only way to ensure job security. I was already prepared, having added a home office the day I became pregnant.

That strategy didn’t work. A few months after returning to the “so-called” family-centered nonprofit and six weeks after receiving a raise in recognition of the work I did during my leave, we parted ways. It was not of my choice, but it was a relief. I could stay home with my infant son, and return to work on my terms, which I did a few days after he turned 18 months. At that point he was eligible for the best day care in town, and I was itching to go back to work.

Initially, this job was posted as full-time, but when funding shrunk, I proposed a flexible part-time role and bravely told my boss, “I will give you 120%, but if my child gets sick, I’m out of here and the rules don’t change once I start.” Where did that strength come from? I honestly don’t know, but for 10 years and two additional pregnancies, I was able to combine motherhood with work.

There were always choices, and sadly, I often chose work over family. I was unable to exorcise the demons inside, caused by the previous boss. Even when I became pregnant with my second child, a mere three months after starting the job; and when a disgruntled co-worker alerted management before I did, I expected to be shown the door. But my boss said, “I am not your former boss, and we are happy for you!”  One day short of a year on the job, I welcomed son number two.

With his arrival I took a six-week maternity leave and then returned to work; two babies at two different childcare centers. Despite what they said, I was still afraid of losing my job. Then, the adventure began. Number two suffered chronic ear infections, resulting in multiple surgeries, visits to specialists and then educational evaluations. I was allowed to switch days off, work from home, and address my family’s needs. As well as mine: a broken foot, two knee operations, Lyme disease and several unplanned visits to the emergency room followed. Yet, my job was always safe.

When things settled down, number three arrived on the scene, and I worked throughout my leave. Even bringing him into the office at times. Three children; attending two different schools, and a babysitter. During those 10 years, I added responsibility and became a supervisor; I hired other working mothers and shared my harrowing stories.

Later I became the Executive Director of a nonprofit; I hired and supervised people of all ages and life stages. I supported staff through sick spouses, dying parents and juggling parenthood with work. There were times where I had to say, “you will never get these days back, the work can wait.” I wanted to spare my staff the anxiety of choosing family over work.

Yes, times have changed since that February evening 28 years ago when I added “working mom” to my resume. With virtual offices, and hybrid roles, mothers and fathers can confidently raise their families without looking over their shoulders.

I have many wishes for my son today. The typical health, happiness, and prosperity; I also wish that, if and when they decide to become parents, my sons and their partners do not have to make the same choices I did; as I have told my staff- you will never get those days back and sometimes, work can wait!