Keeping Things Private in a Today's Word

Thomas Jefferson once said, "I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend."

Yet, in this volatile world, spurned on by social media forums such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, we know far too much about our friends and neighbors. With a click of a mouse, I can see what they ate for dinner, where they went for dinner, what cute sweaters they purchased for their tea-cup doggies, and where they stand of the state of the Union.

In kinder times, we were raised to keep opinions on religion, politics, and sex private. Our two-party system allowed us to go to the polls to vote our conscious, and then unify to support the winner. Democrat or Republican, the masses respected the process and shook hands. They put aside personal convictions and worked together to improve our country.

When did that change? Why did it become acceptable for the supporters of the losing candidate to spend the next four years spreading falsehoods, and hateful posts? What occurred to normalize, digging deep for lies and dragging all of us into the mud? Was it the media?

The practice of Yellow Journalism, a style of newspaper reporting that emphasized sensationalism over facts can be traced back to the late 1800ies, when publishers Joseph Pulitzer and William Randolph Hearst by trying to out-do each other with colorful reporting, sensationalism, and crusades against political corruption. The popularity of tabloids, and shock-jocks, talk shows, namely Jerry Springer, helped to feed a craving for larger-than-life personalities, degenerate behavior and spicy headlines.Then came the internet, followed soon after by social media.

The internet was made available to the public in 1991 and gained traction with AOL and Yahoo. Each had forums, designed to attract subscribers. Moderators purged outlandish comments, but less-mainstream sites were created and, in so doing, the ability to spew hate and lies to a mass audience at no cost was born. Facebook was launched in February 2004 and Twitter appeared in March 2006. No fact-checking and say what you want.

During the eight years that President George H.W. Bush was in office, his opposition was active, yet dignified. The events of 9-11 temporarily unified the country, but the election of President Barack Obama in 2009 was a turning point in this great divide. You can point to racism, religious zealots and political-influencers as the fuel that lit the fire. No topic was off-limits. His heritage, his wife and children, and every effort to bring about change. No reconciliation of parties. No bi-partisan support. Just eight years to nurture the racial tensions of our nations. Like him or not, Obama remained dignified as he ignored the negativity, but then came President Trump.

Donald Trump said whatever came to mind. No leader had ever fanned the fires of political divide like he did, and his followers repeated every comment, for all to see. Four years of attacking the liberal media and those who opposed his platform. The media, in return, was also divided in their coverage of the day’s events, further fueling a dangerous racial divide. Conservative outlets provided a forum for Trump’s policies and a unique twist on the news. Liberal outlets delivered their own biased view of his policies and each spoon-fed fodder for the masses. It continues with no letup today, with Joe Biden in office.

So how does one navigate love and friendship in these times? According to Time magazine, a YouGov/Economist poll showed 45% of the it’s respondents would not date someone from the opposite party themselves—and the vast majority of them (86%) think it has become tougher to date someone on the other side of the political divide.

My question is why? Establishing a healthy relationship is hard enough, so why complicate it with political rhetoric? Please don’t ask me who I voted for, what religious institution I attend or other probing questions regarding my social life, if you think the responses will affect your opinion of me.

Personally, my Facebook and Twitter accounts are politics-free; my religious beliefs are equally absent from my social media accounts, as is my relationship status, but if you want to see a cute picture of my cats, my kids, or a recipe for a healthy pumpkin bread, that’s evident for all to see!

 

Follow me on Twitter @nymomto3boys

 

When Life Get's Crazy, Breathe

 

Friday is here, again. Personally, it's been a week chock full of interviews, from all sectors. It feels good to be provided with the chance to sell myself to a team of hiring professionals, yet frustrating at the same time.

There are no perfect jobs, just candidates who can apply perfection to a position and make it "practically perfect in every way!"

What I learned this week, is that technology doesn't always work, that recruiters and the management team may have a different concept of what the right candidate may be and that writing every day has been a creative outlet for the stress, and disappointment that is part of the job search process.

Yet being a glass half-full person, I can point to the weekend as an opportunity to reflect, refocus and re-energize my enthusiasm in hopes that my next opportunity is just a phone call away.

Unspoken Words

Two policemen died in New York City last month. Assassinated by a career criminal during a domestic violence call. Each left behind grieving family to cope. A widow, parents, siblings, and a scores of fellow law enforcement officers who face similar dangers every day. Imagine going to work one day, and not coming home?

Across our nation, people shared the grief of these young centurions. Hired to protect our lives while keeping their home-life intact. Social media was adorned with black draped police shields and thousands of people stood witness to the gut-wrenching processions, leaving the hospital, arriving at St. Patrick’s Cathedral and finally the arrival at each cemetery.

The most emotional part had to be the images of the bereaved. The inconsolable sister of Officer Wilbert Mora (whose last act of courage was donating his organs to save the lives of five people) and Officer Rivera’s widow, dressed in black, choking back tears, to bravely deliver her eulogy before thousands of mourners who she never met. Her personal thoughts, broadcast on live television.

What caught me off-guard were the words of Dominique Luzuriaga, the newlywed bride and now grieving widow of Jason Rivera. She described the last moments she and her 22-year-old husband spent together on the day he died and how they had been fighting before Rivera left to for the 32nd Precinct for his evening shift. A deeply personal and relatable incident which is repeated in households across the nation.

“This Friday was different. We had an argument; you know it’s hard being a cop’s wife sometimes. It’s hard being patient when plans were canceled or we would go days without seeing each other,” she said.

They were arguing because she did not want him to use job phone while we they were together. Luzuriaga said when the two left his apartment, she decided to order an Uber instead of driving with him because she did not want to continue their spat. Did either say “I’m sorry” before parting?

“You asked me if ‘you are sure that you don’t want me to take you home. It might be the last ride I give you.’ I said ‘no’ and that was probably the biggest mistake I ever made.”

As she stood at the pulpit and gathered her composure, she spoke to her husband. “I know I drove you crazy saying I love you so many times that you would stop replying I love you more.”

Hopefully, she was able to tell him “I love you” before he left the apartment? Who knows, but there are two lessons to take from this tragedy. The first is advise we have heard countless times. Never go to bed (or leave the scene of an argument) before it is settled with, I’m sorry; and lastly, you can never say I love you too many times!

Why You Should Share Black History Month with Your Kids

“If you want to understand today, you have to
search yesterday.”  - Pearl S. Buck

According to U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs statistics, a mere 240,000 of the 16-million Americans who served in World War II are alive today. Our story-tellers are slowly dying and they are taking their personal accounts to the grave.

The majority of those who played along side or cheered from the stands during Jackie Robinson’s first game as a Brooklyn Dodger in 1947, took part in desegregation of schools in Little Rock or the Montgomery bus boycott in 1955-1957 alongside Rosa Parks and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. are also also no longer with us. Soon these events, which played out in living rooms across American, will be as distant to our children as the American Revolution or the Civil War.

The study of the contributions of African Americans dates back to 1926, when noted historian Carter G. Woodson and the Association for the Study of Negro Life and History (later renamed the Association of Study of African American Life) declared the second week of February to be "Negro History Week". It was chosen to coincide with the birthdays of both Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglass. In 1976, President Gerald Ford expanded the recognition to “Black History Month” and urged Americans to “seize the opportunity to honor the too-often neglected accomplishments of black Americans in every area of endeavor throughout our history.”

As far as we have come, we are miles from where we need to be. Racial bias in our criminal justice system keeps more black people on probation and in prison than ever before; an inequity exists in employment and education. We have made many inroads and tried to integrate people of all races, cultures, and religions into one community, but recent headlines show we have far to go before we truly can co-exist.   

Black History Month allows us to retell our nation’ past in a meaningful and significant way, While we hearken back to events that are very painful in our history: slavery, segregation, blatant discrimination, and violence, the heroes and heroines who changed our world should stand as role models for all  children and the obstacles they overcame to make our lives better should be discussed at home as well as in school.

Participating in Black History Month can also be a way for all children to commemorate their cultures. Here are five activities to share with your children that will reinforce the contributions of African American in our current society while helping to celebrate the diversity of your own culture: 

•  Go to the Library or Amazon to select a book: Most local libraries will have age-appropriate activities to celebrate Black History Month or visit the children’s section together and select a variety of books that cover the life of historical figures, such as Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, and Jackie Robinson, to name a few. Also select one of the hundreds of books that tell the tales of slavery, or the Underground Railroad, such as “Henry's Freedom Box: A True Story from the Underground Railroad” by Ellen Levine, “If A Bus Could Talk: The Story of Rosa Parks” by Faith Ringgold or “A Children’s Guide to Black History,” by Nancy Sanders. Consider books such as “The Other Side,” Jacqueline Woodson or “Freedom Summer,” by Deborah Wiles, which raise the question of discrimination in a fictional setting. Then choose a book which stands for your own cultural heritage to supply insight into the challenges all newcomers have faced when coming to America. Use this link https://amzn.to/3L4p9Ft to review the collection of age-appropriate biographies on Amazon.
  
  
• Sample a culturally unique dish: Prepare and sample corn bread, oxtails, stew and or a regional cuisine such as gumbo. Advanced cooks can use the internet or library to create a full meal dish that are common to African American families. Non-cooks can bake peanut butter or sesame seed (a symbol of good luck in African culture).
  
  
•  Plan a movie night: Stream an age-appropriate movie that has civil rights, or desegregation as its theme. Most recently “One Night in Miami”, “Selma”, “Antebellum”, “Judas and the Black Messiah” and “Ruby Bridges” are historical movies, while “42”, “Remember the Titans,” “Radio”, “Pride” and “Coach Carter” all share a sports theme. “Roots,” “Mississippi Burning", "The Long Walk Home", “Malcolm X”, “Ghosts of Mississippi” or “Ali” may be suitable for older teens.
  
  
• Celebrate the historical contributions: Discuss the influence of jazz, blues and gospel artists have contributed to American music. Louis Armstrong, Sam Cooke, Aretha Franklin, Ella Fitzgerald, Fats Waller, Duke Ellington, Jelly Roll Morton, Bessie Smith, and Ray Charles have laid the foundation for future musicians with their revolutionary styles. Poets such as Langston Hughes, Maya Angelou and Alice Walker and trail-blazing actors such as Sidney Poitier, Harry Belafonte and Diahann Carroll were pioneers in a vastly different world. Have your child create a list of 10 items invented by African American’s and share with them with the family.
  
  
• Have a cross-cultural celebration with the family of a schoolmate: At the conclusion of Black History Month, ask you child to invite a friend over for an all-about-me night. Ask the family to bring a dish that is steeped in custom (along with the recipe) and a short picture book depicting a character of his or her ancestors; as host family, do the same. Then, select a simple craft that the children can personalize (such as a picture frame or musical instrument craft), symbolic of each of the two cultures. At the end of the evening, have your families exchange the crafts and recipes, as a gesture of sharing your culture with someone else.

By making this an annual activity, you will ensure history is more than just something your children read about in a textbook.

https://amzn.to/3L4p9Ft

 

Repairing Other People's Wounds

A part of my heart was ripped open today. I awoke to find one of my cats on top of a wardrobe chest, like Simba on Pride Rock. Not unusual, since cats love high places. 

However, lying next to him, with his feet in the air, helpless, was my Memory Bear. This beautify creature was created last winter, shortly after my father passed away; and now he has two gaping holes in him. 

I searched high and low for the correct color of thread, so I could suture his paws, and began the surgery. I could make this all better. 

Then I stopped, knowing I could not repair this. I made a call to the wonderful lady who created this treasure to ask for help. Please fix this!!!!

This is a metaphor of life. There are things that we cannot repair alone. Relationships, broken hearts, and other people's mistakes. Oh, I have tried. Searched high and low for the cure to help damaged people put their lives back together again. Became a surrogate mother when that was obviously inappropriate. It forced me to juggle too many balls in the air; until one day they all came crashing down and I admitted the wounds were too deep. 

My bear was created with fabrics left over from garments worn by each of my parents. His face was crafted from a pair fatigue-green sweatpants my mom wore as she battled Lymphoma three decades ago. I could never throw them out, nor could I wear them.

The legs and back were fabricated from a corduroy shirt, which was my dad’s. It can only be described as poopy brown, but when he passed, all his clothes were donated, before I could request a keepsake. The shirt was so ugly that I wore it to dye my hair; ironically, the stains always came out, so I continued to wear when it was time to cover the greys. While unattractive to others, I could never throw it away, so it remained in the same chest of drawers that the Memory Bear sat atop, until this morning, when I put him inside the chest for safe-keeping!

The bear’s feet have patches cut away from a flannel bathrobe gifted to my mom while she was sick and the bow around his neck (baseballs, symbolic of our shared love of the sport) is tacked to him with a button found in an old jewelry box of my mother's. Inside his chest is the black mourner's ribbon I wore while sitting Shiva for my dad. One foot has a heart, the other simply says “Mom and Dad.” 

Admitting I could not repair the bear, and restore him to his previous self was tough, as were the first few months of dealing with the loss of each parent. With the support of friends and family, I slowly acclimated to my new reality. (You never really recover from the death of a parent.)

Eventually just gazing over at the bear brought me a level of comfort. Now, he has two a small wounds. Which I must entrust to an expert to mend; because we cannot do this thing called life alone.

@nymomto3boys