Does Time Heal Old Wounds?

 Way before the movie "Mean Girls" there were cliques of kids who picked on others to appeal to the in group. In the deep recesses of my mind, I recall an incident in fifth grade, where my prepubescent chest was compared to a topographic term, describing a territory with no elevation. Innocent joke, or bullying? It depends on which side of the joke you're on.

For a young girl, a late bloomer, already envious of peers who were shapely and fashionable, it stung. I later learned the girl who had the body of an 18-year-old at 13 was also self conscious.  She dressed to hide are shapely figure; I dressed to hide my lack of assets.

Thankfully, this incident took place in an era where slam books and notes passed behind our teacher's back were the vehicle to spread messages. It was before cell phones; actually, it was before private lines. Imagine a family of five sharing ONE phone? 

Growing up in the suburbs meant that once we left school, most of our after school activities were restricted to our little neighborhood. Since the person who spewed that mean joke lived in the same neighborhood, her mean-spirited activities carried over to our home. Luckily, I found solace in a different group of friends and we went our separate ways.

Life moved on, and nature eventually took it course; I guess my self-esteem survived. At an early age, I learned that children can be cruel and people say things to inflate their image around others. 

It made me very discerning when it came to choosing friends and uniquely qualified to make sure that my children were not "mean boys".

Last week, my teenager came into my room, alerting me to a conversation on FACETIME; a young person, overwhelmed with trying to fit in, made a threat to "make tomorrow memorable". Initially, those seeing the message continued to play along with him. But, within minutes, it was obvious they were in over their heads and unsure if he was serious. 

Thankfully, my son came in and showed me parts of the conversation. "What are you going to do?" he asked. "Some of my friends are staying home, and he's in my lunch and math class." Is he your friend? Was he troubled? Did he have friends? Did you respond to his posts? 

My head was spinning. Was he capable of causing harm to my child? Did my child or his friends cause him to threaten his classmates? Thankfully, my son did not engage in the Facetime, nor did he claim to be anymore than an acquaintance with this boy. When pressed, he mentioned the young man had friends, was always laughing but was disruptive in the class they shard, and maybe a bit different, ie. social awkward. 

"So, all my friends are scared and they're staying home..." he said.

"You're going to school," I responded, but immediately turned to the more mainstream Facebook to see if anyone had posted about this incident. "Anyone know about the drama on Facetime?" I posted. Immediately, kids and adults responded and so did the local authorities, who monitor social media. The young man was identified and is now getting the help he needs. 

Was he a victim of bullying? I don't know, but I suspect he was. Maybe not to his face, but evidently behind his back. Like slam books of my time, the comments eventually find their way to the subject and 40 years from now, he may have a flashback to when someone made him feel helpless. 

As parents, it is important to let our children know, words sting and I'm sorry makes you feel better, but the victim never forgets. So, think before you talk, because time may not always heal old wounds.