Our country is now taking so steady a course as to show by what road it will pass to destruction, to wit: by consolidation of power first, and then corruption, its necessary consequence.
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Our country is now taking so steady a course as to show by what road it will pass to destruction, to wit: by consolidation of power first, and then corruption, its necessary consequence. Thomas Jefferson
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/thomasjeff122353.html

Does Time Heal Old Wounds?

 Way before the movie "Mean Girls" there were cliques of kids who picked on others to appeal to the in group. In the deep recesses of my mind, I recall an incident in fifth grade, where my prepubescent chest was compared to a topographic term, describing a territory with no elevation. Innocent joke, or bullying? It depends on which side of the joke you're on.

For a young girl, a late bloomer, already envious of peers who were shapely and fashionable, it stung. I later learned the girl who had the body of an 18-year-old at 13 was also self conscious.  She dressed to hide are shapely figure; I dressed to hide my lack of assets.

Thankfully, this incident took place in an era where slam books and notes passed behind our teacher's back were the vehicle to spread messages. It was before cell phones; actually, it was before private lines. Imagine a family of five sharing ONE phone? 

Growing up in the suburbs meant that once we left school, most of our after school activities were restricted to our little neighborhood. Since the person who spewed that mean joke lived in the same neighborhood, her mean-spirited activities carried over to our home. Luckily, I found solace in a different group of friends and we went our separate ways.

Life moved on, and nature eventually took it course; I guess my self-esteem survived. At an early age, I learned that children can be cruel and people say things to inflate their image around others. 

It made me very discerning when it came to choosing friends and uniquely qualified to make sure that my children were not "mean boys".

Last week, my teenager came into my room, alerting me to a conversation on FACETIME; a young person, overwhelmed with trying to fit in, made a threat to "make tomorrow memorable". Initially, those seeing the message continued to play along with him. But, within minutes, it was obvious they were in over their heads and unsure if he was serious. 

Thankfully, my son came in and showed me parts of the conversation. "What are you going to do?" he asked. "Some of my friends are staying home, and he's in my lunch and math class." Is he your friend? Was he troubled? Did he have friends? Did you respond to his posts? 

My head was spinning. Was he capable of causing harm to my child? Did my child or his friends cause him to threaten his classmates? Thankfully, my son did not engage in the Facetime, nor did he claim to be anymore than an acquaintance with this boy. When pressed, he mentioned the young man had friends, was always laughing but was disruptive in the class they shard, and maybe a bit different, ie. social awkward. 

"So, all my friends are scared and they're staying home..." he said.

"You're going to school," I responded, but immediately turned to the more mainstream Facebook to see if anyone had posted about this incident. "Anyone know about the drama on Facetime?" I posted. Immediately, kids and adults responded and so did the local authorities, who monitor social media. The young man was identified and is now getting the help he needs. 

Was he a victim of bullying? I don't know, but I suspect he was. Maybe not to his face, but evidently behind his back. Like slam books of my time, the comments eventually find their way to the subject and 40 years from now, he may have a flashback to when someone made him feel helpless. 

As parents, it is important to let our children know, words sting and I'm sorry makes you feel better, but the victim never forgets. So, think before you talk, because time may not always heal old wounds. 

Battle of the Bulge

 
I'm a post-menopausal woman who now weighs less than I have my entire adult life. How? Weight Watchers and my Fitbit and my teenage son.

I've been a lifetime member of Weight Watchers since 1994. I rejoined (once again) last February weighing almost 15 pounds more than I wanted. Three kids ago, I lost 27.5 pounds on Weight Watchers. I vowed that I would never allow those pounds to creep back; and after each of my three pregnancies, I rejoined and lost the pesky pregnancy weight.

Well, my kids are now in their teens and 20ies and the struggle was real. I was gaining and losing the same 10 pounds. One crash diet later, I was down to goal. For a handful of years, I was able to keep myself close to that weight. When the pants got tight, I went back to basics (but not Weight Watchers.) 

In the Spring of 2015 menopause was in full swing and my body was changing as well. So, I acquired a Fitbit and begun walking almost five miles daily; I soon and saw those pesky pounds come off. I was now a size four and feeling good. Until a new job and winter weather forced me into inactivity. As a result I gained back over 10 pounds during the winter of 2015; and my old knee injury started to act up. I was scared that major surgery was inevitable and started looking for short cuts. I could do a weight loss plan without paying, right? Wrong.

The pain became excruciating and my clothes were snug. On February 20, 2016 I put on my big girl yoga pants (they weigh less than jeans) and went back to Weight Watchers. I leaped into the program, despite the internal conflict of sugar being excessively penalized in the points arena. I'd like to say the weight fell off, but it didn't. It was slow, but after a month I lost enough (4.6 pounds) to feel better. I went to the orthopedist, and acknowledged I had lost some weight. With Spring around the corner I vowed to walk daily. He said no, but I did it anyway. And guess what? The pain disappeared and so did the weight. 

By June 18, 2016 I was below goal, pain-free and embracing my daily walks. My Fitbit was my new best friend. By the end of the summer I was down 18.6 pounds and scared how I would replace my daily walks. See, I originally hurt my knee in the gym and was scared to sign up. 

But, the wrestling season was also right around the corner and my then-15 year old needed to make weight. So, we signed up for a free month and I lost another three pounds. I weighed less than when I was teenager. So, I signed up for a membership and an interesting thing happened. My weight went up.... still below my goal weight, but it was winter and I was stumped.

In the past I would have quit. Both the gym and Weight Watchers. This girl and her son did not quit. I went back to basics and took off the pounds... and more. On April 29 I stepped on the scale and was down 2.6 for a total lost of 20.6 pounds.I was 6.2 pounds BELOW my goal. 

The bottom line is that menopause (or PMS for that matter) is no excuse for packing on the extra pounds. You can get your old body back (or find one that is better than your 20-something version) by understanding what is happening to your body and applying common sense strategies found in non-fad, doctor-approved diets such as Weight Watchers.   

Follow me on twitter @nymomto3boys

#weightwatchers #fitbit  #exedrciseeveryday #shespeaks #momto3boys #connect

I'm Back.

Since we last communicated, a lot has happened. I am now the Executive Director for an agency which helps visually impaired adults and children. 

In so many ways, my appointment was the fulfillment of a personal promise. You see, my Nana suffered with Macular Degeneration in the last two decades of her life. At the time, she was a widow, living alone in the same home she had located to from the Bronx back in 1949, first as a mother, stepmother, wife, sister and then grandmother and great-grandmother.

Thanks to several non profits, you see there was no single agency available to assist people with blindness in her community, she was able to receive the services that enabled her to remain in her home until she was no longer able to care for herself. While we were grateful for the help of many, it was difficult to have to depend on one agency for medical transportation, another for assistive devices, and still others for home-based services. Thankfully, my agency provides comprehensive services for people of all agencies and we partner with others to address food insecurity and other problems which people with disabilities face each day.  

Why is this important? Because in NY, almost 400,000 people have vision loss, 55% of them are female and 44% are 65 and above. Since Baby Boomers make up a large share of the general population and they are now graduating into this age segment, the need for services will continue to grow. Yet, the current administration does not value the work of the non profit and agencies such mine will continue to face funding challenges. 

It is important to support the community-based non profits who ensure the dignity and independence of our most vulnerable population. Before you donate your time or money, check Guide Star to see how much of your donation goes to direct services. Since our agency does not charge for our services, and the governmental funding does not cover the cost for providing them, we are the type of agency where your money would be most needed.