Friday, November 11, 2011

Hug Your Child A Bit Tighter Today

It's almost a week since the Penn State story broke. As a former sports writer and sports fan, I sympathize with the talk show hosts who have had to discuss this all day, every day for a week. Many are not prepared for the types of calls that they are handling. Most are parents who are disgusted at the details. Others are former athletes, even alumni, who can't image how it happened and how it went on for so long. Neither can I.

As more and more sordid details emerge, most hosts are hoping for a sports story, maybe a trade, football upset to bring them back to their comfort zone. But this story will not go away anytime soon. It grabs at your moral fiber and makes you question everything that is right and wrong, including how we confront authority, or raise our children and prepare them for extended periods of time away from us.


With the media coverage blanketing every newspaper, radio station and television station, there is another issue here. How do we discuss the facts of this story with our young children? Those who are not old enough to grasp the details. You can't sweep it under the rug, yet you can't make your children fear every adult, male or female, who they may deal with in the course of their day. As the mother of a 10 year old, who has been in the car when the story was on the radio, I have had to address this several times already. It is not okay to just switch the station with no explanation. All of my sons are involved in sports, religious activities and two are former scouts. They are involved in youth activities, have gone to sleepovers and have carpooled with other parents.

Since my children were toddlers, we have openly discussed good touching/bad touching, staying together at malls, meeting parents of friends and communicating any discomfort with a person you meet. My practice has always been not to leave my son at a practice until I get to know a coach and to make sure there is always another parent staying behind. However, the local youth wresting program takes place in the practice room, behind the lockers at our local high school. That's a new set of issues to deal with this year. But, not at the expense of scaring my son away from participating.

Unfortunately I have experienced three separate situations where people (all men) who I knew from the time I was a child turned out to be child predators. Two of the three were married and had their own children and each was a pillar in the community for volunteerism and his work with young boys - they were opportunistic, sex offenders who fit the classic, under the radar description that we have now become so familiar with. My community has also been rocked with a priest, mother of stand-out athlete (and spouse of a police captain) and several rabbis, who betrayed the trust of the community.

So, what can we do to ensure the safety of our children? I hate to say "not much", because that is not totally true, but in one sense it is accurate. This type of abuse crosses every socioeconomic, religious, geographical and ethnic group. No one is immune. It can be a parent offering beer in return for a sexual favor, a priest, rabbi or scout leader. A coach, doctor or mentor. Even a family friend or older teenager who violates a younger child.

The first thing we do is explain to our children why we are not over-reacting, as we must draw in the reigns. The rules of separation get stricter. Then, we explain that no child is ever to blame when an adult is inappropriate. Tell our children that they did nothing wrong; it is never right for anyone to touch a child, including another child. We also tell our children if they see something that looks wrong, they should get help, immediately. Tell a Principal, parent, police officer or coach. Assure them they will not get in trouble. As a society, fear should never get in the way of doing the right thing. 

Then, you pray. Pray for the victims of this case and every other case that has and will happen. Pray that your child is safe when they leave your home. And you hug your child a bit tighter today, tomorrow and until the Penn State story fades out of sight.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Batman You Complete Me ...

Batman has always served as an important influence in my life. Unlike other kids who were dissuaded from reading and buying comic books as a waste of time and money, my mother's father owned a news stand and I was given comics as a young child. The Archie's, Richie Rich and of course DC and Marvel comics, were fixtures in our home. So were other news-stand favorites. It is obviously through this relationship that I developed a love of reading, writing and specifically reading newspapers and collecting things. I am ashamed to say, I was gifted the first issue of Tiger Beat (ask your preteen girl), with the Beatles on the cover, and cut it apart.  I also grew up watching re-runs of Superman and the first run episodes of the very campy Batman. I even had a crush on Robin (Burt Ward).

So, as the mother of three boys, it is little wonder that my children would collect (and lose) Batman figurines, visit the Warner Brothers store, wear socks, underwear, gloves shirts with the logo and adorn costumes throughout the year to play dress up as the character. Each wore pajamas, complete with matching cape, had Halloween costumes that they wore to bed and followed the many cartoon versions of the character.

My oldest son, was the most fanatical. Beginning with two scarves previously worn by his twin cousins, Batman was a permanent fixture in his life. Birthday invitations, room decor and many other infusions of Batman followed him from toddler to teen. Accompanied by is "cousins through love" we even went to Great Adventure to see the Batman show, only to go running from the park, when the bullets and fireworks scared him.

So it is little wonder that he is still enamored by Batman. A few weeks ago, a group of his friends trekked into NYC to attend Comic Con, so he could "meet" the Caped Crusader. And at a recent teacher's  conference, I was told about the eloquent argument he made to defend earlier versions of the Joker against the one made famous by Heath Ledger. He is very passionate about all things Batman. The Batman throw pillow and long forgotten figurines have resurfaced as "collectibles", discussions are held on who was the best and worst Batman; he even dressed up as Joker for Halloween this past week and why not, it's in his blood; a Batman cookie jar sits high atop my cabinet to protect our little Gotham City.